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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?